Automatic Applause Lines -- A Handy Dandy Menu
All you have to say at a presidential primary debate to win thunderous applause, as if from well-trained seals:
- Ronald Reagan! Did I mention Ronald Reagan? And let's not forget Ronald Reagan.
- First, I will cut taxes! And second, I will cut taxes!
- We will defeat radical extremist Islamofacist terrorists! And those terrorists in Guantanamo don't deserve trials to determine if they're terrorists, because they're terrorists. That's just common sense! Oh, and because they're terrorists, there's no moral dilemma over water-boarding, and if I could just get my macho, America-loving hands on them I'd do much worse to those evil radicaslamoterrorofascists!
- Support the troops, who are the very best of America and who are doing a great job! And the politicians in Washington shouldn't get in the way of the generals!
- I will not apologize for my Christian faith! And by the way, how dare those liberals kick God out of our schools!
- We must protect the unborn. They are God's great creation and certainly not descended from apes.
- You'll never hear about this [thing that makes Republicans look good] in the liberal media.
- What Congressman Paul just said [about U.S. foreign policy] was outrageous! Can you see how outraged I am?! That's just "blame America first"! America is the greatest country on earth!
- On my first day in office I will personally find every single illegal immigrant, and physically carry each and every one to the border myself, and throw out them all over the border. On my second day I will personally start and finish an impenetrable border fence, and hang a big sign on it that says, in English only, "AND STAY OUT!"
- Government bureaucrats bad!
- [Blah, blah, blah] Haliburton!
- I will end the war in Iraq and bring the troops home!
- We need [insert new, massive, taxpayer-funded program here] and we can pay for it by ending those tax cuts for the wealthy!
- We need to save and protect Social Security and Medicare and we can do so by ending those tax cuts for the wealthy!
- We need to reduce the deficit and we can do so by ending those tax cuts for the wealthy!
- Teachers are the greatest! We need smaller class sizes, more teachers, higher teacher pay, and less standardized testing!
- I love unions! My father was in a union so I know unions are just the greatest!
- We need to stop evil, greedy corporations from outsourcing American jobs! To be perfectly clear: Corporations bad!
- Race is such an important issue in America. We've got a long way to go before equality and justice is achieved!
The lists above are certainly not meant to be exhaustive, and I hope to see additions to the list from you guys.